It's been a little over a week since my last journal entry and things are... Okay? I guess?
It's hard to say really I don't feel in as quite as much of a daze as I was feeling, but it's taking me some time to actually come out of it completely.
I am hoping things will improve still in the next few weeks. I have an appointment next week I need to attend. We'll see how that goes.

TBH I'm mostly writing this entry as a bit of catharsis and self therapy.
I have these unfounded thoughts about being hacked and/or downloading malware.
It's strange because I've only ever been hacked once, on somewhat of a throwaway email address I didn't use for much. The only reason I fought for it was because I had my Youtube account attached to it. But beyond that, the hacker didn't accomplish much.
Even so, I'd say that since I've been plagued by intrusive thoughts about cyber security. They're irrational, but every time there's even the slightest technological glitch, my mind starts spiralling.
Example; earlier today my laptop crashed and rebooted out of nowhere. I wasn't really using it at the time, just had a youtube video. I think regardless of the circumstances, my mind would immediately jump to "I've downloaded malware".

So, to try and remind myself that not every weird thing that happens to my technology is some sort of malicious entity out to ruin my life, I will remind myself of the time it definitely wasn't malware!

So, when I was in my mid-twenties, on my old laptop, I started having my browser either open or open a new tab and trying to direct to a malicious website. My virus software at the time protected me from the site actually loading, but it still kept happening.
At the time, I was downloading a lot of Sims 4 Custom Content, so, to be honest, while I was being as careful as I could, it was genuinely possible I had downloaded something bad.
So, I did what you normally do. I scanned for virus. Nothing. Downloaded another anti-virus software. Nothing. The pop-ups kept coming. Tried scanning my sims 4 cc folder specifically. Nothing. Every scan I did, came up with nothing.
It was getting to the point I was starting to think I was going to have to ask my Dad for help (which, if you have ever been in your mid-twenties, you will know is probably the most humiliating prospect is having to call a parent to fix something for you).
In a last bid effort to stop it myself, I tried googling the address of the website it kept trying to direct me to. Doing so, I found a forum of people discussing getting the same pop-up, and they had managed to find the culprit;
Skype.
More specifically, an old and out of date version of Skype. They'd clearly stopped checking the ad's getting attached to it, leaning to this one add that would try to open sites.
And what would you know, once I uninstalled Skype? The pop-ups stopped!

So. Yeah. It was absolutely just bad timing in terms of the downloading Sims CC and Skype going rogue.
I've always been careful in terms of these things, and despite the internet trying to fearmonger everyone, I currently use operating systems that you kind of have to really be trying to get anything malicious.
So, future Summer who has returned to read this entry because you're panicking you downloaded something bad; Relax. Sometimes, it's not a virus.

Anyway, here's hoping next week I'll be slightly better than I have been doing

New year, new journal page and a new entry! A triple whammy of new things
It's been a while since my last entry, despite promising myself I'd try to update weekly. TBH, the entire Christmas period ended up just becoming something of a haze.
And I haven't really come out of that haze, to be honest. I don't know. For the last few weeks, I've kind of felt like I've just been floating down a river with no real aim.
I feel... A little more proactive today, but idk if that's just because I FINALLY finished the header for the revamp of my portfolio site. So like... I actually accomplished something

So, what exactly are my plans for the new year? I don't know, to be honest.
I feel like I should be here like, "this is the year I do all the things", but idk I'm feeling a bit on the pessimistic side.
I have been halving the dose of my anti-depressants every other day on the advice of my doctor, so idk if maybe that has something to do with it too?
Hopefully I'll Figure it out and be able to make a happier journal entry in like a week lol.

In other news I've started getting into Solo RPG a bit. I'm still super new, but after I recently found my copy of Changeling The Lost, I've been DYING to play a game of it.
Only... It's kind of a niche game, and I think darker than most people would be prepared for so I think I'd struggle to find a group of people interested.
I'm also in general really bad with TTRPG rules. 99% of the time they fly over my head and I get confused.
So I've been developing my own Solo system that I can play with, which will simplify the gameplay enough that it's not confusing for me, but still engaging as a game, while also leaving chance for storytelling and character development.
I actually completed my first trial of the basic rules on Saturday, with a RPG set in the MK universe. It went really well, and while I did tweak rules while on the go, it really helped me set the basic ground rules!
It was a pretty bare bones rule set, so I am now expanding on it and feel more confident that I'll be able to play all sorts of games and champagins alone

Anyway, I think that's enough for one day. Hopefully my next entry will either have more depth or I'll at least be starting to feel on track.