WELP, we're entering a new era of the website. But first... A personal update lmfao.
Eye routine is going really well. They feel less dry and less itchy so that's all very good.
I went to town on Tueday with my Mum to do some shopping, mostly because I needed more wipes for my eyes. It went mostly well, but on the way home my back basically gave up on life and was ended up hurting for the rest of the day.
Other than that though, life's been pretty good! My cross stitch is going really well. I know I said I might post pics, but I think I'm gonna hold off until it's a little more done

Anyway, now the life update is out the way; NEW WEBSITE ERA!
So, I talked about this in my microblog yesterday, but I've started using my laptop more & by extension, downloaded VSCode.
Basically I wanted to redo my portfolio website for the new year, and thought doing it on my laptop would be eaiser.
Admittedly, I've had this laptop for about a year now, and not really used it much. My Ipad was just more convientiant and honestly I could get by on it.
I downloaded VSCode because I saw a lot of people reccomending it. It was VERY confusing to start with I was mostly confused on how to link back to previous folders, but once I discovered the whole .. thing that's been a lot easier.
Honestly, I really like VSCode, and I've been using it about a week, maybe, and I've gotten used to using it. So, I have decided to move most of my website work to there. This does mean I'm having to go through my site and make sure everything works with VSCode but that's been easy enough.
So yeah. We're out of the rawdogging on Neocities editor era, and onto the VSCode era! Hopefully, it'll come out for the better :3

It will be the anniversary of my site on the 20th, and whole 4 years I'd like to do something specail for it, but idk what yet.
Eh. I'll figure something out. Maybe.
Well, anyway, until next time!

So, as I said, I want to update this a little more frequently, soooo... let's gooo?

So, to start with, it's been a week since I started my new routine with my eyes. And I'm starting to get used to it all.
The heat mask actually feels quite nice when I have it on tbh I just get to sit there for like 10 minutes with a nice warm mask on my face. The only real downside is that afterwards my eyes are blurry for a really long ass time So I kinda have to sit and wait for them to clear up lol.
The wipes haven't lasted as long as I would have liked I should have gone for something like the serum, but maybe I can get something else in the coming days.
Otherwise, blinking exercises are fine and the drops for dry eyes are like... fine I guess
I'm also following advice regarding screen time so

Speaking of screen time, I'm going to be trying to dedicate more time to non-screen-related hobbies.
I brought myself a few diamond painting kits to hopefully keep me busy for a few weeks, but I also got myself a cross stitch kit.
I've done a bit of cross stitch in the past, but I'm hoping it'll just give me something different to focus and work on

This was just a quick update to use this journal more like I said I wanted to. I'll probs make another update in a few days if or when I start that cross stitch or the diamond paintings. I might even post some photos of it.
But until next time I suppose

So, good news, I finally have answers for at least ONE one of my eye problems. . It's chronic and I'll be dealing with it for a while, but I have a routine that should help it.
I've got stuff for dry eyes, a heated face mask, some wipes. Hopefully it will help ease the symptoms. Honestly if it makes my eyes less itchy I'll take that!
Now, if only the hospital would get back to me about my one pupil being bigger than the other, that'd be swell. Lmao

In other news, I did my first bit of Christmas shopping today! I'm usually a bit of a Scrooge and leave it til last minute, but while I was in town I saw Garth Marenghi's Terrortome and HAD to get it for my Dad
I've talked a little about Darkplace in my micro blog, but it's genuinely one of my fave shows of all time, and I know my Dad absolutely loves it too, so I'm sure he'll have a lot of fun reading the book
I don't buy gifts for many people tbh, usually just my immediate family these days. So I've got one person down, all that's left is Mum, Brother & Sister-In-Law. I will probably buy a little something for my Uncle as well, because he takes me to and from Camera Club every week so it's usually a little thank you for that. He's pretty easy to shop for tho, I just need something chocolate
For Mum I usually ask if there's anything Craft related she needs & failing that maybe stuff like birdfeeders. I do tend to get her a little something else tho, last year I got her a pretty bookmark and generally if it's something Otter related I know she'll love it.
Brother is mad about cars, but he also really likes quizzes and word searches stuff like that, so I'll probably get something silly like that. SIL likes wax melts and stuff like that so I'll usually just grab a little something like that for her.
Overall tho, I'm glad I don't have many people to buy for. I'm not much of a Christmas person but there's some stuff I do like, I suppose (Gimme Mince Pies )
I know eventually my Mum will start asking what I want for christmas and I don't really know what to tell her. I mean I never know what to tell her tbh I'll have to have a think about it.

As for why I wrote this journal, I do genuinely wanna start writing more in here, and well, Y'know I actually had stuff to ramble about.
I like Tumblr, but I don't really like posting stuff like this there too much. Feels too out in the open. This feels a little more squirrelled away, still available for people interested, but not just shoved in the face of people.
Anyway, we'll see how that more journaling thing goes. I feel like every time I say that I fail to do so
But we'll see if I post again before the end of 2025 lol

Okay using a dramatic AF title for this journal even tho it's not THAT serious
Firstly, after my last journal my string of minor health problems kept going I just in generally have not seemed to have been able to catch a break in that regard. In fact as I type this I’m having an angieodema flare up, and look like a fucking chipmunk because my cheeks are all swollen and
In August I had pain in my one eye, and discovered my pupil was suddenly bigger than the other. I went to the optician, and he said while he didn't think it was anything too serious, he did want me to get it checked further. Since then I've had confirmation of my referal, but that's about it maybe I'll hear about that soon, but who fucking knows.

Now onto the ACTUAL reason for the dramatic AF title lol.
So, I've got to be honest, OSA hit me really fucking hard. I just lost a lot of my motivation for the internet and for writing and I'm just about starting to recover from that.
It's honestly taken me a while to settle with it a bit. I will say I have thus far not given my ID or let any AI scan my face so I'm kinda pleased about that . I am still worried about where it's all heading, how long it'll take for ID to be needed to use the internet at all, and the roll out of basically mandatory digital ID (they can say it's optional all they like but "optional but you basically can't do anything you need to live without one" is not optional IMO)
And with the recent Imgur block here, it's obvious this isn't over just yet. So ngl, browsing other small web sites and toyhouse is VERY interesting atm because I'm constantly being assaulted by a block of purple saying the content is blocked Also, man, it's really made me aware that like fucking no one has read Imgur's TOS before, because it's not actually supposed to be used as a host in that way.
While things are still uncertain, I'm just going to keep going as best I can. I've got a bit of a burst to want to work on my websites again, so I'm gonna indulge that while it lasts

I also signed up for some other fanfic bingos I've decided to stop worrying about having so much to work on and just indulging whenever one pops up I'm interested in. Life is too short to worry about things like that.
I'm also really really enjoying working on OC stuff atm too! I brought myself TH premium for my birthday and I've been having a blast with CSS on that site

So, that's about it. Hopefully I'll be more active here and we can get back on track with things
So, until next time I decide to write something long form, see you

I just feel like writing a bit of a journal tbh. There's not too much to update on but idk it feels nice to write something I guess.
IRL I've had a string of minor health issues, which while not being anything to worry about did kinda knock me off my stride just for how one-after-the-other they were. For example I had a very bad cold one week, then several Angiodema flare ups, hip pain, shoulder pain, back pain, knee pain, side pain, neck pain. It just felt like one thing cleared up and then bang, the next thing happened
Most recent thing was the neck pain + swelling in my lip, and I look forward to seeing what my body throws at me next because what the fuck.
Business wise, I'm doing okay. Just trying to keep going with that tbh.

Fandom wise I feel a lot better than I did the last time I talked here. I'll maybe talk more in depth about it, and what's helped me with it, later on, but for now I'll just report I'm feeling better and I don't think I'll be abandoning anything by the end of the year so, yes unfortunately you're stuck with me for the foreseeable future.
AU-Gust fics are almost done! I'm actually really proud of some of these and can't wait to share them. Kuai Liang is... Kinda suffering this year tho, but don't worry I'll be moving onto Kinktober once I'm done and I'll stuff him with as many dicks as I can to make it up to him
That said, please remind me not to commit to two 31 day fanfic challenges in one year ever again, this shit is brutal and taking me out . Like don't get me wrong I'm enjoying myself (more than I have in a long while I think), but GOD it's exhausting.

As I've said in the past, I need to actually start doing stuff and give myself excuses to write here.

It's been a while and I think the reason is that fundimentally speaking my life is just... incredibly boring
After things with my benefits wound down, it's essentially been quite quiet. I'm still working on self employment, still striving for improvement. My aim currently is to get better with social media and posting more regularly to hopefully build up a following. It's kinda hard when my social media presence for the last couple of years is tumblr, private twitters & this place

When it comes to fandom, I've been taking a hiatus from tumblr to try and sort through some feelings.
I'm gonna be honest, I think I've been one foot out the door in terms of fandom for some time now. I'm still not 100% sure if "summertrap" the fanfic author will still be a thing by the end of the year.
I am giving myself until October to figure stuff out, giving me chance to post AU-Gust (which I am currently working on) and Kinktober (which I hope to work on next).

I can't even really explain what I feel or why I feel it. It's something akin to defeat and isolation. A feeling like I put my fanfic out there in the hopes of finding community and that never really happening for me. And this thought that maybe the fandom is just a bit shy, but then seeing everyone else connecting and making friends. It just kinda leaves you thinking "so... it's me right? I am the problem here."
I think a certain section of the fandom put me on this pedestal that I really didn't have any say about being on. And once I was on it, there was no way for me to climb back down and be equals.
It feels like people only contact me when they want something from me, and tbh while I'm happy to provide and I will never ask for anything in return for my fanworks... Idk, it does get you a bit down after a while.

But that is neither here nor there really. I'm hoping that by October either I will be at peace once more with being an antisocial loner or Kinktober will kinkstart some sort of post nut clarity for me and I'll be able to gtfo.

Will I update my journal more frequently? Idk. Maybe. Like I said my life is fucking boring right now. I do have a meeting at the end of the month but it's not gonna be something I want to share online.

I am getting a lot more into OC stuff and finding a lot of solace and comfort in my own characters soooo... I might just have to take a bit of a pivot and focus on that for a while
But that's about it for now. I will try to do something actually worth writing about that isn't just me being like "woe is me fandom makes me sad"
Until next time!

Well, seeing as I decided to give this a new layout it felt only natural I make a new diary entry

It's been a strange year so far, both in good and bad ways.
The last month or so has been incredibly stressful, due to a change in my benefits. BUT I essentially got confirmation today that is over, so I am finally free from the worry of that I can finally start focusing on other things.

Business is still going slow. I've been making things to sell on my Ko-Fi and last night had the most KILLER idea for a comic, so I'm gonna be slowly working on ideas for that too.
Not made any sales yet
But I'm not giving up! I'm working on something for Easter right now. I just gotta keep going

Other than that, irl has just been a mixed bag overall. Some days are good, other days are so fucking awful
On the plus side? I do think my days have been more good than bad lately outside of anxiety!

In fandom news, I got the majority of my fanfic backlog out! It was a lot of hard work, but it's worth it to be back at a pretty blank slate.
ATM I'm mostly waiting for AU-Gust prompts to be announced for 2025! I really enjoyed it last year so I really want to do it again.
I'm also sort of doing kinktober this year. It's a little different this time though. I've basically gotten a bunch of half finished WIP's for other projects & challenges/bingos and I'm going to try and get as many of the 31 I chose done as I can. I'm not too fussed if I don't get them all out, but I'd like to at least get a few done!
So, with those in mind, wish me luck!

That's about it tho for now! I'm using obsidian to keep a slightly more personal journal, but I may be able to use some of my notes from it when something interesting happens!
I'll try to update this more frequently, but until next time

A little bit late but HAPPY NEW YEAR! Here's hoping it'll be a good one huh?
I won't go into my Christmas. It had its ups and downs and for some reason that time of year always tends towards not great for my family so I'm always a little apprehensive about it. But hey, at least I don't have to think about it for another year

I've decided I'm not doing revolutions or goals this year, just because I never keep them and then feel like shit .
The only things I'm really focusing on are business stuff & fanfic.
Business stuff is going well. I set up a Ko-Fi for it recently so we will see if that bears any fruits. I'm thinking about putting my pattern brushes up for sale on it as a bit of a tester!
As for fanfic, I spent last week basically going through and giving actual titles to every single WIP I consider active and made a new to-do list. It's fucking long af (300+ fics please help me), but I'm pretty resolved to essentially focus only on things on that list and try to get it down a little
As for posting fic. Eh. I have another backlog I accidentally accumulated but atm I am just... SO over editing it's unreal I will probably try to get some out over the weekend.

As the title says tho, I've been reflecting a lot lately, mostly on my experiences within the Mortal Kombat fandom. I'm not leaving, and still very much enjoy creating content, but I can't lie, I do think my time in the fandom has done terrible things to my mental health.
Because the thing is, when I started posting back in 2020, I never expected to get any attention. Then suddenly, I got a swarm of interest and people admiring me. Then as the fandom died, those people were suddenly gone. And it's like, the logical part of my brain tells me that it is just a loss of interest in Mortal Kombat, but that fucking evil bitch of a voice in my head likes to whisper that it's a loss of interest in me specifically.

I am going to be completely real with you all: I genuinely think between 2022 and 2023 I was having a full on mental health crisis. 2022 was a miserable year that just snowballed to get worse. I don't have a fucking clue what was wrong with me in 2023 but looking back my behaviour for that entire year was so fucking erratic.
Either way, part of me wonders if that 2023 period put a lot of people off me. I suddenly wasn't the quiet fanfic writer who mostly kept to themselves and instead I was just this manic mess that people wanted to stay away from. I mean I can't blame them if it was, I don't think I'd have wanted to deal with 2023 me either.

About midway through 2024, I had another minor breakdown, that lasted maybe a week, but I made some snap decisions during that time. It was mostly stuff like leaving discord, muting & blocking a whole bunch of people, putting distance between myself and other people. About a week after I did this I came back to my senses and was like "wow I'm going to regret doing all that later".
But the thing is... I don't. I don't regret leaving any of it behind because being away from it all made me realise how fucking awful it had been on my psyche.

And before anyone says anything: I don't blame anyone for any of this.
It is just unfortunately the way my brain is wired and that's absolutely no one's fault and no one's burden except my own.

I do have some other thoughts, but for now I think I'm keeping them to myself. I just needed to get this out somewhere and my website is a little less intrusive than anywhere else
Hopefully now I've recognised all this, it'll be easier to not get stuck into a cycle. I think I should write more journals on here, just so I'm not sitting on bad feelings constantly.
Anyway, heres to 2025, hoping it'll finally be my year