Screenshots

Sometimes I see things on the internet I think are really funny, so I'll take a screenshot for later viewing. This is basically just a little gallery of things that have made me have a little giggle over the years.

Line Break

The food disposal thing in the sink was clogged so l stuck my hand in to unclog it. I couldn't see so I turned the light switch on above the sink with my other hand. There isn't a light switch above the sink. Thankfully the disposal stayed clogged.

I was painting with oil paints and drinking water. I reached out and grabbed the turpentine and took a good swig. I've done this twice.

Bought a life sized skeleton for Halloween. It kept sliding around in the car so l buckled it in the seat behind the drivers seat. Started driving home. Checked my left hand side blind spot on the drive...forgot about Franky Bones...proceeded to nearly piss myself and cause an accident.

Yesterday, a guy asked me for directions. When he went on his way, he said, 'Sorry to bother you!' And I said 'Thank you!' WTF.

As a bassist, for four years I'd be lugging my huge amp everywhere it needed to go. When moving to college I pulled out the amp's original box and peek in. There's wheels. The whole time it had wheels.

I couldn't remember the word for contact solution so I just called it 'eye juice'

At a party. Missed my dog. Wrote out a text to her that I was coming home soon. Looked for her in my contacts. Wondered why she wasn't in them since we're so close. It was that point that my brain turned back on. I actually hadn't had anything to drink, I was just tired.

I forgot the word 'aquarium'. I kept googling variations on 'fish zoo', 'water zoo', 'zoo with mostly fish' 'ocean zoo'

There's three types of cats. Fluffy, not fluffy, and where the fuck is all his hair.

Four year old nieces of Reddit, what's the best thing your uncle could get you for christmas that your parents would approve of?

I had to give a mandatory state writing test to fourth graders. The prompt was related to our study of that state's native Americans, and focused somehow on ears of corn. I think they had to write a narrative from the perspective of a pre-colonial native American person. Apparently, this kid had never heard the expression 'ears of corn' so it morphed into this weird sci-fi story along the lines of The Fly where a kid's ears turn into corn cobs. He ran out of time so I don't know how it would have resolved but toward the end the main character was just saying What? 'I can't hear you! I have EARS of CORN' I was laughing so hard reading it I couldn't even explain to the other teachers on my team what was so funny.

Penetration Tester